Isn’t it crazy how we can remember certain moments from our childhood? The experiences that we might recall as trivial and small memories, actually hugely influencing the person that we become – and then our future, forever?
I’ll never forget when my mom used to repeatedly hit us when something was misplaced or done wrong or broken, until we admitted to doing it.
Didn’t matter if it wasn’t you. You were going to admit it, or it wouldn’t stop.
In hindsight, it’s so obvious the potential for prolonged emotional trauma here; because taking responsibility for other people’s actions to end your pain and the inevitable guilt that follows can even become a theme in your life. (Not that I’m speaking from experience… or anything…)
It can manifest itself in becoming a total control freak. Needing to get involved in everything, because you know that if you’re in charge – it can’t get messed up and cause you pain.
People will label this as leadership.
It can manifest itself in that control freak nature going so far that you become obsessed with perfectionism and achievement. Nothing is good enough, because if it were even better, it could never cause you pain. Because by being perfect, you eliminate the ability for anyone to ever inflict pain on you as a result of the disharmony around them.
People will label this as being a high-performer or overachiever. Or others might label it as nit-picky and tell you you have impossibly high standards.
Or maybe it manifests in seeking harmony everywhere around you. Because accepting responsibility for others ensures harmony and when everyone is happy, you don’t have to experience pain.
People will label you kind and caring.
They’ll label you a loyal friend.
They’ll label you as always the one who goes above and beyond for someone they care about (even if its rarely reciprocated to that extent).
Maybe it manifests itself in somehow assuming the guilt for the wreckless actions of loved ones or friends, pondering what you could have done differently in the infinite amount of circumstances that had to occur for said event to even happen.
People will label you as weak, emotional, or dramatic.
Maybe it manifests itself in wanting to save and share every single cause around you – to work so hard to achieve harmony in the outside world whilst simultaneously failing to achieve harmony within yourself.
People will label you as an activist.
Inside, you’ll just feel this massive chasm of lack.
Damn, that’s a mindfuck – isn’t it?
For better or worse, our experiences designate our realities.
Those certain, critical moments, forever influencing our emotional reactions and triggers in our life and sending off sequences of events to influence those around us.
Maybe it’s time to have a talk with your inner child.
Tell her it’s not her fault.
She doesn’t have to take responsibility or assume guilt for the actions of those around her.
It’s not her responsibility to save the world.
She can be loved for exactly who she is by the right person.
It’s not your fault.
Recent Comments