Why are we always keeping score?
This was a massive issue in my marriage. I was so convinced that everything had to be equal. Tit for tat. You do this, I’ll do that. Divide up responsibilities and its more fair. One person isn’t doing all the work. It’s process. It’s documented. But why did I feel that way to begin with?I do a lot for people without conditions. It can be a huge energetic draw sometimes.
I think that my mom conditioned me to worry about what taking from others might mean for my own self worth. She never let us borrow milk or sugar from the neighbors. “They’ll think we’re poor.”I mean, they weren’t wrong. I’m kidding. We weren’t poor. We were lower middle class from an income perspective, but being that she was the most frugal, intelligent money manager, we lived as well as all my upper middle class friends, as far as they saw.
I took that, though, and somehow I internalized it. And I had to make sure that no one ever thought I was taking too much from them. So I gave. And I gave. And I gave. I still do it. Maybe that’s why we’re keeping score.Maybe being able to show our worth is important to us and we want to be able to hold up the score card and show what we did.
But what about love?
Why do we withhold ourselves in love?
The guy we’re interested doesn’t text us for awhile, our ego comes up with 50 different reasons they’re not texting back.“He’s not into you.”“He’s with someone else.”“You’re not good enough.”We need the validation. So we close up our hearts, lest we get hurt. Can’t have us giving more than they are, that would be inequitable.
Inequity isn’t fair. Inequity shows debt. Inequity breeds discontent.
After all, doesn’t energy beget energy? Why should they receive more than they’re investing?
But think of that the other way around – why should you receive more than you’re investing?
Something about my childhood – the lack of affection, the hyper criticism (and I no longer communicate that attached with bitterness, it just was what it was and largely made me the INCREDIBLE person I am – after a little soul work) – made me constantly approach everyone in a very open-hearted way. It’s of the utmost importance to me that no one feels like less-than and that everyone knows exactly how I feel.
Wearing your heart on your sleeve, freely giving love, doing extra around the house for your family, letting someone merge, giving $5 to someone holding a sign on the side of the road… WHY NOT GIVE MORE?
I saw an article about the road signs in Utah. The cover photo was a huge sign that said something along the lines of, “Let them merge. It’s a highway not a birth right.”
Many years ago Kyle and I went to a stress workshop at a Buddhist Temple. I don’t know what the appropriate title for the person that was giving the workshop was called, but she discussed humanity as a whole and analogized it to a sports team. She told a story about a man in an emergency room, consumed in his own pain and suffering and largely upset that everyone around him was being cared for and seen and he wasn’t. She asked why one person’s victory couldn’t be everyone’s victory.She asked why we couldn’t see and celebrate everyone as individuals – and why we were so scared and jealous.
There’s an energetic flow in the universe. And you have a purpose within it. The closer that you align with that purpose, the more you flow energetically with everyone around you, and the more generous and loving you are with your feelings, time and resources, the more you will get back.
Keeping score is efficient, there’s no doubt about that. It ensures everything gets done and is a fair way to split the load.If you have to keep score, that’s fine. I’m just saying – don’t attach your ego to that. Know that energetically the universe is already keeping score, and the more that you invest in everything around you, the more you’ll receive. The universe is already keeping score, and by giving and loving openly you’re accumulating an incredible karma that will be delivered in its own time.
Go at this life, this love, with everything you have.
In the end, you’ll gain so much from living with an open heart.
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