I’ve always been the one to stand up in cases of injustice – I’m a LOUD voice in my community and sometimes it makes people uncomfortbale, but I’ve always said – that’s why I’m here. I’m here to throw some shit around and make people uncomfortable so they explore where change needs to be made. I’m here to offer the perspective and have the uncomfortable conversations that no one is willing to have. I’m here to stand up where others might be silent.
So, when my African American friend Lawrence posted at quote from Martin Luther King Jr. this week, “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends,” it hit me SO HARD. There was a pull of responsibility to speak up. But HOW could I speak on something I knew nothing about?
Racism is wrong. The end.
What’s there to say?
I watched a lot of different perspectives fly all around.
I watched a lot of people, “What about me. All Lives Matter.” and I saw many, many egos.
But it wasn’t until I finally watched a generationally focused viral video on Instagram this morning that I finally responded to my friend Marcus Willis’ story and asked, WHAT CAN I DO??
I have a voice. I have a platform. I have a venue. I know a lot of people – but what can I do to help this?
We text back and forth for awhile and ideas manifested.
We arrived at and are still working on a rally for youth in the black community with officials and police officers. We would bring them together and we would commit to being their advocates and keeping them safe in our community. I met him at Team Willis Boxing and Family Fitness (his family gym) and he told me about a nonprofit that his family had started a few years ago: Bridging the Gap of SWFL. It’s a nonprofit designed to service African American youth from broken homes, providing mentoring, guidance and leadership.
Then he asked if I’d meet with his brother, Quinton and him to discuss the event further. I met them at their childhood home off Palm Beach Blvd.
As I listened to them share their goals for their community, it dawned on me the weight being African American comes with. It isn’t enough that they’ve got an entire history to overcome – slavery, Civil War, civil rights, KKK, and segregation – they have the additional load of acting entirely perfectly with the consideration of appearances to protect not only themselves but also make everyone around them feel safe.
That blew my mind.
Here is an already marginalized group of people – who have access to less than those that come from privledge do – and you want THEM to take on the emotional load of managing EVERYONE ELSE’S SHIT that those people refuse to deal with?
You want them to manage a cop’s bad day or previous experiences and preconceptions when they’re approaching their vehicle?
That shouldn’t be on them.
They’re not paid for that.
They’re not trained for that.
Quinton sat there and told me point blank, he wants the youth in the black community to understand what needs to happen and how to interact with cops and other people in order to keep themselves safe in their community.
Like – fuck, man.
You know how many times I’ve been sassy as fuck with cops?
You know how many times I’ve listened to white males say they yelled at a cop and told him to go fight some real crime.
You know how many times I’ve heard stories about veterans using their IDs and sweet talking cops to get out of tickets?
Meanwhile they’re telling me of MULTIPLE instances where they got pulled over for fitting a description?
And we’re gonna sit here and pretend that this world is equal and that we should just not see color anymore?
If you’re gonna preach equality, you have to ensure that equality actually exists first.
Because you’re telling the black community that they’re equal, but not only are they seeing that they don’t have everything you have, but they have to tiptoe and walk on eggshells around you because you’re scared of the people that society has shown you they can be when they reach the breaking point of having too much emotional load on their shoulders, as their communities and brothers break down from the same weight?
And we can’t understand why affirmative action exists.
We accuse them so frequently of “using the black card”
BRO WE ARE GASLIGHTING AN ENTIRE RACE OF PEOPLE AND WE DON’T EVEN REALIZE IT, WE’RE *THAT* PRIVLEDGED.
They are starting with less.
They’re often growing up in broken homes.
Their schools aren’t funded the same way.
Theres crime all around them.
Their access to mental health resources is next to nothing.
And yet – here we are, piling the load on their shoulders with qualifications of what they need to do to make sure that people of privledge are comfortable?
And you act SURPRISED when they wanna break some windows?
LISTEN TO THEM.
Fucking, go to their house and look around and see what you started with that they had to scrap for – and THEN listen to them tell you that they’re just trying to SURVIVE while you complain about sitting in your house for a few weeks during quarantine.
Like holy fucking privledge, guys.
We really have no clue.
And what’s worse – is there are next to NO RESOURCES for them. All the programs are underfunded or flailing.
I had the honor of listening to the stories of 11 black men today, and they were all telling me the same thing:
We’re exhausted.
It’s too much.
We have a huge weight on our shoulders and yet we sit here and make our oppressors feel better.
We run in our community (not at night, it’s not safe for us and people wouldn’t feel safe if we did that) and we have to look as white as possible.
We get pulled over and we have to put on our white voice, and make sure the area we pull over in is well lit, because we’re just trying to get home safe.
Have you ever feared for your life when being pulled over by a cop?
Cause I haven’t.
Have you ever questioned the comfort of those around you and how you were running when you’re out running?
Like… I can’t even fucking breathe when I’m running let alone worry about wearing certain things or looking threatening.
If slavery is ended, but African Americans are still enclosed in an emotional prison of societal expectations with almost no support, how can we have any hope for the future of our country?
Guys. We’re not there yet.
But I’ll tell you what – we can get there.
We can get there if you listen.
We can get there if you do what Dwayne said and stop seeing the symptoms and start looking for the cause and then start electing people that top-down reform that shit.
I cannot even come close to truly identifying with the MASSIVE amount that sits on the shoulders of African Americans in the world today, but I will do everything in my power as I learn more to continue to advocate on your behalf. Because it’s very difficult for me to watch injustice – and there is nothing equal about the state of our country.
I’ll close this out with a poem from Langston Hughes that I hope will provide you with an additional level of perspective:
Minstrel Man
by Langston Hughes
Because my mouth
Is wide with laughter
And my throat
Is deep with song,
You do not think
I suffer after
I have held my pain
So long?
Because my mouth
Is wide with laughter,
You do not hear
My inner cry?
Because my feet
Are gay with dancing,
You do not know
I die?
To Malike, Jason, Dwayne, Marcus, and Quinton and all of the men who had the courage to share their voices and stories tonight:
Thank you for opening my eyes.
I’ll continue to listen.
Look for more. It’s coming.
Keep your ears and hearts open, guys. This is your fight, too.
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