Today is, was, would’ve been – technically is, our 14 year anniversary. We’ve always just known we’d be together since we started talking again – so we never regarded our wedding as anything but a piece of paper. (We were married 9 years ago tomorrow).
You’re my very best friend, the father of my children and a great, passionate love. It’s what made letting you go so difficult. But soul contracts expire and it’s time for us to honor that.
5.5 months ago we separated and since then we’ve both experienced more growth in our relationship than we ever did in 14 years together.
We saw so much.
We did so much.
We laughed so hard.
We accidentally procreated, and then decided to do it again.
We excelled at everything we did.
People used #goals to describe us.
Many people told me we couldn’t ever split because if we couldn’t make it there was no hope for anyone else.
We were, are and will forever be epic partners in the game of life.But for the last few years we’ve both known that our timer was up. True to our nature of hard work and never giving up – we tried EVERYTHING.
Literally, everything. Cause when a relationship between two passionate, loving and committed people begins to dwindle, it’s a hard pill to swallow.
There were signs. There were so many signs.
The universe practically shoved me — I’ll never forget the day that we were driving down the road, yelling at each other in an argument with the kids in the back seat of the car… I stuck my headphones in my ears to be a belligerent shit and looked up at a sign. It was a sign for the dentist’s office: “The longer you wait, the more you’ll regret.”
It was the moment that I knew our time was over.
Another day, shortly after, I lamented leaving our life behind. It was after a beach trip with friends and we all sat on our trampoline and I asked the universe for a sign. A hawk flew by right after – a reminder for higher perspective and as I looked around I realized we had all the support that we needed in our wide network of incredible friends. My own soul family emerged shortly after – and I found myself friends with new people, with old people I’d reconnected with; all of them on a similar journey to mine in different timeframes.
It didn’t make it less terrifying, leaving behind the home we created. The home I found in you. Leaving behind mutual codependence. I thought it was just me, but I realized that you lost yourself in the saving that you always did for me.
Me a ball of anxiety and overwhelm, you always bringing me back to earth, handling everything I needed, helping me avoid the inner work I so desperately needed to do.
I think about all the toxic arguments, the ego and everything we put each other through and as much as I don’t want to live in the past and as much as I know about where we’re going – it still breaks my heart to consider.
But here we are, less than 6 months on the other side and we’ve grown so much.
We’re closer than we have ever been.
Is it difficult? Absolutely.
When you want to be both business partners, friends and co-parents with your ex, you can’t just walk away and blame them for everything. You have to accept the mutual responsibility that you’re both a little damaged and have your own sets of trauma. And you have to work through them, because you have to work together and parent your children together. You can’t stop triggering one another, otherwise.
Our relationship in some ways hasn’t changed at all. In other ways, it’s entirely different.There’s a weight that’s gone, though, for both of us.
I hated keeping our split a secret, despite most of our close friends and family knowing at about it. But it’s important to me to be able to sit on the other end (or in the middle) of our story and be able to show people that if they’re willing to release their ego, they can have an amazing relationship with their ex. That they don’t have to sit in a mutually unhappy marriage with unmet expectations, trying to fill a hole in someone’s soul that they’re refusing to fill themselves.
Isn’t it funny how we look around everywhere for that person to “complete” us, not growing up enough before we find them to realize that the person to complete us is us?
Some might say – if you were willing to release your ego sooner, you could’ve stayed together.That’s true. But we vibrate on a different frequency when it comes to love, and I refuse to keep you from your great purpose, just like I know my happiness is one of the most important things to you.
Sometimes when you really love someone, you have to know when it’s time to let them go.
Today will always be our anniversary, because our relationship will never end. It will constantly evolve and grow – and you’ll always be a partner in my life. In my business, as one of my best friends and with our children.
I think perhaps the best part of keeping all this secret is being able to have so much inward focus. To sit with myself and analyze the way my ego pops up and works, to work through emotions with you, identify triggers and try and heal some of our past and our childhoods together and not just to pick up my codependence off the ground and throw it at someone else to carry.
I’m so proud of the person you are, and the end of our relationship as we defined it is largely the catalyst for the greatest transformations of self that we’ve ever experienced mutually.
You’ve given me so much in 14 years together.
We grew up together.
We partied so hard.
We yelled.
We had epic blowout fights.
We had great ideas.
We each owned amazing businesses that we helped each other with.
We had two of the most epic little humans that I never knew I wanted around (even if I still sometimes question that).
We made great money and we were incredibly “successful” by society’s standards.
Then we failed. HARD. We bottomed the fuck out and we were a glorious mess of flaming shitshow —- together.
We lost a lot, but what we left behind was too heavy to carry much longer. And what we gained we never could have had unless our egos fell in the glorious way that they did…
We climbed out of it together. And we continue to climb, together.
Thank you, Ky. For everything you’ve ever brought to my life. For your laissez-fare attitude that I am always so torn between hating and adoring.
Happy Anniversary.
We look different now, but butterflies and caterpillars are different insects anyway.
Cheers to the continual evolution of us. And always, always, always bunking the status quo and everyone’s preconceptions and definitions of what anything “should” be.
We gifted each other freedom, and that’s something that requires great love and greater maturity to be able to do.
I love you.
Team Awesome for Life.
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